Snape's potion accident
by Silver Kitsune4
Summary: This is all about Snape and what happens to him after he is in a potions accident. There's also a bunch of stuff about HarryxDraco RemusxSirius, yeah Slash, You've been warned. Chapter 2, FIXED!
1. KABOOM!

Silver: welcome to yet another of my retarded stories about any old thing. This one is for a friend of mine who loves Severus Snape and Alan Rickman. This is one of my absolute favorites to write also. Anyways like all my stories there's gunna be sex and it's gunna be slashy sex so if you don't know what that means, I suggest you find out before reading on.  
  
Julian: I write the sex parts!  
  
Silver: yes he does, he's my sex monkey  
  
Julian: no I'm not, I'm gay!  
  
Silver: oh yeah...  
  
Julian: on with the story!  
  
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"Damn him" Snape said "Damn him to hell" he was in his dungeon, working on a potion for Sirius. It was easy to see that he did not want to be there. "Why the fuck did I even agree to do this for him?" he asked himself out loud. He heard Sirius' voice in his head.  
  
'...if you don't make it for me I'll tell everyone about your little secret...' Blackmail, of course it was the only way to make Snape do anything and Black knew it. He lifted the small cauldron up to the light to see if it was done. Only a few moments left. He set it done on the fire again.  
  
"Black if you ever pull anything like this again I swear I'll..." his voice was drown out by a large explosion. The force of it pushed him up against the wall, knocking him out. The whole school woke up to the sound of a large fiery explosion that night, and every one but the Slytherin's and one large black dog were celebrating the pain of one, Severus Snape.  
  
The following day, there was a substitute in potions class, and Harry could not of been happier. There was also a certain dog in the classroom to make sure that the potion explosion really was just a fluke, and not an insidious plot to destroy Harry. He felt awful, forcing Snape to stay up late and brew that potion. It was his fault that he was fighting for his life. The substitute was none other than Remus Lupin. Apparently he was also a very talented potions master, and a lot nicer than Snape would ever be. Harry sat with Ron and Hermione, as usual. Lupin walked around the classroom checking every one's potions, patting the mysterious dog in the corner several times... Malfoy looked over to Harry, who looked over quickly then blushed when he seen Malfoy looking at him. The had secretly been 'seeing' each other for weeks, but decided it would be best if no one knew. Lupin made his way over to Neville, whose potion was spitting out tiny fireworks.  
  
"Dumbledore, let me go! I'm fine!" Every one's head snapped as they heard the voice from outside the door. "It was a small accident, no side effects! Go away!" The dungeon door burst open, nad in walked...  
  
"Severus?" Remus said, very surprised "Are you... feeling ok?"  
  
"Yes, yes, Lupin I'd just like to resume teaching my class" Harry felt like he was going to die of laughter. He chuckled a bit, the rest of the class followed. Malfoy raised his hand. "What is it Malfoy?"  
  
"Sir, I was just wondering why... are you wearing pink robes?" at that question the entire class erupted into fits of laughter. Snape had walked into class wearing bright pink, frilly robes, covered in small red flowers.  
  
"It's simple really, pink is the new black you see." The class stopped laughing. Now utterly freaked out, they all stared at the potions master. He turned to the corner to look at the dog. "Sirius, you dawg! You came to see if I was ok!" The dog stood up and walked over to him. "Why don't we go into another room and I'll make you stay, sit and come?" the dog backed away a little, and turned its head to Remus. Remus looked as if he were about to explode.  
  
"Severus..." he said through gritted teeth "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" The kids all looked taken aback, they had never heard a teacher cuss before. Snape walked over to Remus and wrapped his arms around him.  
  
"What's a matter Ray ray? Jealous?" While Lupin blushed, the dog growled. Snape put his hands on Lupin's ass and pulled hard so they were together. The dog snapped at Snape. "Shut up dog" Snape said, then gently pulled one hand away from Lupin's ass and put it behind Lupin's head. He pulled him in and kissed him. Remus moaned into his mouth, then angled his head to deepen the kiss. Sirius moved around so he was behind Snape and bit him on the butt. Snape pulled away from Lupin screaming and cursing at the dog. Remus still stood exactly where he had been, only now looking at the man in the bright pink robes.  
  
"Snape..." he asked quietly "Are you ok?"  
  
"Jolly good" he said with a big smile "How nice of you to ask" he put his nose up into the air and sniffed. "I say..." he said, "Draco, you smell nice today" Draco turned crimson. The whole class laughed at him as he attempted to hide his embarrassment. Snape took a step closer to Malfoy, then stopped and said: "Good God Malfoy, I haven't seen hair that greasy since I looked at myself in the mirror this morning! Which reminds me, I'm going to be late! I've got to go class see you tomorrow!"  
  
"Wait, Severus where are you going?" asked Lupin, which ticked off Sirius really bad.  
  
"I'm going to be late for my perm!" he yelled as he ran out the door. The entire class stared after him with a mix of horror and disgust on their faces. There was also a trace of amusement in the air as Lupin looked back at the class. Hermione raised her hand.  
  
"Yes, Miss. Granger?"  
  
"Sir, what just happened? Why was Professor Snape acting so odd?"  
  
"Well, Hermione I do believe he's just getting started."  
  
~*LATER...*~  
  
"What the fuck does Snape think he's doing?!" shouted a still pissed off Sirius. "He can't just waltz in and kiss my mate! FUCK NO! I'LL KILL THE SLIMY HEADED SON OF A BITCH!"  
  
"Sirius, please keep your voice down, the whole school can hear you!" Remus pleaded with him  
  
"AND YOU!" he said pointing a finger at him "YOU DIDN'T EVEN FIGHT IT OFF! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! WHAT? HAVE YOU BEEN FUCKING HIM BEHIND MY BACK?!"  
  
"LIKE YOU?" Remus was sick of playing the good little boy routine, he hated being yelled at, especially when someone was accusing him. "THAT'S RIGHT SIRIUS, I KNOW ABOUT YOU AND FLUFFY!" Sirius looked taken aback, he calmed down drastically.  
  
"I-I don't know what you mean." He said calmly  
  
"DON'T LIE TO ME! I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING THAT THREE HEADED TRAMP! I KNOW ALL ABOUT SNAPE BREWING THAT POTION FOR YOU! THE ONE THAT KEEPS DOGS FROM HAVING PUPPIES!"  
  
"Remus, please I-"  
  
"Don't talk to me"  
  
"But Remus I-"  
  
"just leave" he pointed to the door, Sirius turned to go, then turned his head to speak  
  
"I'll leave, but I want you to know that..."  
  
"what? That you'll be going to fuck her again?"  
  
"That I love you" and with that Sirius turned into the big black dog, leaving Remus to cry himself to sleep, in the big bed that they once shared.  
  
'He never said that before' Remus though to himself 'He never told me he loved me, not once, why now?' But he answered his own question; Sirius wanted him to know that he never wanted to hurt him.  
  
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Silver: and that friends is where we will leave this story for now.  
  
Julian: that was so sad, and so funny I don't know if I want to laugh or cry  
  
Silver: Anyways, the next chapter is called: flashbacks and curly hair Mostly It's about Remus and Sirius and James but there is some Snape in there, no peter.  
  
Julian: something tells me this story is about Remus and Sirius mostly.  
  
Silver: for now, it gets dumber as it goes. 


	2. Chapter 2

Silver: hello and welcome to part 2 of this ate up story.  
  
Julian: yes..... hello..... I'm a monkey.....  
  
Silver: don't mind him, he's as dumb as a board.  
  
Julian: Yes..... a board.....  
  
Silver: BIG WARNING!!! YOU DON'T LIKE M x M, Slash, WHATEVER, DO NOT READ!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT AND YOU READ ANYWAY, DON'T REVIEW!!! IT'S REALLY THAT SIMPLE! THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME! IT LOOKS LIKE I'M YELLING! BUT REALLY I'M JUST HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY! YAY! THANK YOU! NOW TO THE STORY!  
  
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Disclaimer: I own..... NOTHING! SURPRISE!  
  
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The next day Snape walked into his class as usual, as though everything in the world was perfectly normal. The class stared at his now curly, and fluffy, and bouncy, and not-greasy hair. Parvati squealed happily with the new changes. In fact every girl in the class room seemed to stare at him with lust. Even, to Ron's annoyance, Hermione. Today, his robes were a very bright white with the words: 'Kiss me I'm Snape' written across the front in blue. He stood behind his desk and proceeded to dig out a magazine. He opened the magazine, set it one his desk and gradually turned each page. The front cover read: "The hottest teen scream sensations". Only Malfoy dared to speak.  
  
"Um, Professor? What are we-"  
  
"Shut up, you prat! God, you're so annoying!" The entire class, looked both alarmed and amused. Draco looked as if he were about to shit himself. Snape looked around, and seemed to notice the class for the first time.  
  
"oh, yes. Today class instead of potions or magic, I'm going to help you with your voices!" everyone looked at him like he was insane. "Right then, repeat after me! I like chicken! I like liver! Meow mix, meow mix please deliver!" the class stared at him. Neville fell off his chair in a dead faint.  
  
"Oh dear!" Snape said and rushed over to help him. "Neville? Neville?! Are you ok? Oh please god be ok!" and as if that wasn't enough, Snape started to perform CPR on him.  
  
"Um, professor?" Hermione said quietly " Why don't you just use the reviving potion you have?" he avoided the question completely and continued to 'breathe life' into the boy.  
  
"I don't think he's doing it right" Harry whispered to Ron "I mean yeah, it always looks like kissing, but not with tongue....." Ron threw up all over the table. Harry started laughing when a very small slug crawled out of Ron's mouth. Ron started to freak out.  
  
"SHIT! NOT AGAIN! NO! SHIT AHHH! NO! ARGH! SHIT! FUCK! NO!" Ron was going insane about the slugs. That just made Harry laugh harder. Hermione was the next to react, she too threw up. Soon they had the whole class throwing up, Harry made his way out of the dungeon before he threw up too, just like everyone else. He walked all around the school and somehow found himself at the third floor corridor. The one where Hagrid was permitted to keep Fluffy. After the little adventure with the sorcerer's stone Hagrid was afraid Dumbledore might not let him keep Fluffy anymore, but Dumbledore came through and let him stay. Harry took a step closer to the door. He did have his flute with him..... maybe he could just peek in and see the dog..... He neared the door. As he drew closer to the door, sounds started to echo from the in side. Harry listened intently to the sounds..... it sounded like two different dogs fighting, or something. He rushed over and laid his ear flat on the door, sure enough the sounds were coming from inside. He took out his flute and held it ready to his face. He burst in the door and, after a quick survey of the scene, turned around bright red. Sirius was there, in dog form. As was fluffy in all her three-headed glory. The only thing wrong with the scene was that Sirius was humping the much larger female dog. Harry, who was still turned around, started playing his flute. Fluffy went to sleep almost immediately. Sirius looked at Harry and seemed rather startled to see him there. He turned back into human form and quickly zipped up his pants under his large black robe.  
  
"Harry, I-" he began, Harry cut him off  
  
"oh god please, my stomach just can not handle an explanation right now."  
  
"Harry, just let me-"  
  
"SHUT UP SIRIUS!"  
  
"Remus kicked me out" Harry looked over to him with bewilderment  
  
"you and, Remus were, were, together?" He finally started t o calm down  
  
"That's Lupin to you"  
  
"And what's he to you? 'Sexy bitch'?!"  
  
"Sometimes, depending on my mood" Harry stared in disbelief at his god father.  
  
"Why the FUCK did you tell me that?!" he half yelled. Sirius shrugged  
  
"you asked" They both started laughing like idiots. 


	3. Jerrius Springerus

Silver: Welcome everyone! I have some wonderful news for you! Julian was fired! We won't ever have to hear from him again! Mike is going to help me write this chapter!  
  
Mike: Yeah! I'm much better than Julian!  
  
Silver: No. Your not. But You'll do.  
  
Mike: *pouts*  
  
Silver: More warning, remember you don't like it, you don't read it. You don't read it, why the f*** would you review it?  
  
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Disclaimer: If I didn't own anything before, why would I now???  
  
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"So, why did he kick you out?" Harry asked Sirius after their laughter died down.  
  
"Because... I was, er, fucking fluffy... " Harry's eye twitched. "Fluffy wasn't always a big dog! She used to be human! You-know-Who put a spell over her and now she's stuck. I've been trying to comfort her, and well one thing led to another and..."  
  
"you cheated on Remus?"  
  
"Yes" he admitted "but I would do anything to get him back right now."  
  
"did you apologize?"  
  
"a couple times. I even told- I even told him I loved him" Harry snorted  
  
"You? You told a guy you love him? God that's funny."  
  
"Why? You tell Ron you love him don't you?"  
  
"Well yeah, but- HOW THE MOTHER FUCKING HELL DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!" Harry stood up and screamed. Sirius started laughing.  
  
"I didn't!" He was in hysterics and Harry was pissed at himself. It was true, he and Ron had been together for quite sometime now, but not forever. They were...friends with benefits.  
  
"Ok, fine just, uh, well...Don't tell Draco" His words came like a bullet to Sirius.  
  
"Don't...Tell...Draco...?"  
  
"Draco is my boyfriend. I'm his sexy bitch" Siruis twitched.  
  
"You really are just like your father." He said eventually " He was Lucious' sexy bitch, as you so poetically put it. In fact... I don't think you want to hear this now but... Draco is the child of James Potter and Lucious Malfoy. He's your brother Harry."  
  
"Dr-Draco is m-my brother?"  
  
"Yeah, but that's ok! Fred and George fuck each other all the time"  
  
"My child is an INCEST CHILD!?" Harry screamed.  
  
"Child? Oh Harry! Your Pregnant! So is Remus! This is wonderful!"  
  
"NOT ME! MY BROTHER! ICH! THAT SOUNDS WRONG! MY BROTHER IS CARRYING MY CHILD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry fell to the floor. Dumbledore suddenly appeared out of thin air.  
  
"I have an Idea!" he announced in a great booming voice. He raised his wand "JERRYIUS! SPRINGERUS!" In the next moment, Harry, Ron, Draco, Lucious, Snape, Sirius, and Remus were all at the Jerry Springer show. Harry was the only one on stage at the moment.  
  
"Welcome! My guests today say that they're Wizards of the sex world, Please welcome Harry Potter! Harry say's he's fucking his brother and now his brother is pregnant. But his Brother doesn't know that he is his brother! Harry what's going on?"  
  
"What do you mean what's going on?" He said agitated already  
  
"Well, what's the story?"  
  
"You just told everyone the story"  
  
"Yeah but..."  
  
"Jerry, go fuck yourself" Jerry sighed and looked at the ground.  
  
"Ok, let's bring out your brother" Draco walked out onto the stage and sat right on Harry's lap. He wrapped his legs around his waist and began to grind and kiss him. If Harry hadn't stopped him,. They would of soon been fucking each other right there on the stage.  
  
"Geroff!" Harry finally managed to scream, as he pushed Draco to the floor. Draco looked mortally wounded.  
  
"Harry...?" he asked as he stood up and placed his hand on his cheek. Harry bit his hand.  
  
"Draco, there's something I've got to tell you..." Draco frowned a little "You're my brother" Draco sighed deeply  
  
"Is that all? God I thought you were going to tell me you've been cheating on me with the Weasel King"  
  
"First off..." Harry began "It's sickening to fuck your brother, and second I am fucking Ron"  
  
"YOU WHAT?!" Draco lunged at Harry and took a swing, Steve caught his arm and pulled him away by the waist, he was still struggling to get free. Harry was on the ground in a little ball, his glasses had been thrown off and he was weeping uncontrollably.  
  
"How could you possibly want that scrawny, red headed bitch to me?!" Draco yelled and took off his shirt. "Look at This! Why do you need any thing else?!"  
  
"YOU DON'T EVEN CARE THAT I'M YOUR BROTHER?!" Harry yelled back "YOU WANT OUR CHILD TO GROW UP KNOWING THAT HIS PARENTS WERE BROTHERS?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!?" Draco stopped yelling and struggling against Steve.  
  
"Well lets bring him out here's Ron!" Ron walked out onto the stage and took a seat. He turned to Harry.  
  
"Harry, God knows the sex was good, but we both knew it wasn't forever and... Well...There is someone else."  
  
"You What? WHO THE FUCK IS IT?!" Harry yelled. Ron mumbled something under his breath. "WHO?!"  
  
"Lucious Malfoy!" He yelled  
  
"WHAT!?!?!?!? YOU BITCH ASS WHORE!" Malfoy took out his wand, Steve wrestled it away from him. "BRING HIM OUT HERE! I WANT TO FACE MY FATHER!"  
  
"I'm already here son." Said a voice from behind him Draco turned to find himself face to face with his father.  
  
"Dad..." Draco said completely caught off guard "You've been fucking a weasley?"  
  
"Not A Weasley. All of them at least once. But Ron was by far the best. And your one to talk. Going and getting yourself impregnated by Harry Potter, what's wrong with you?"  
  
"What wrong with you?!" Harry spoke up "Going and getting yourself impregnated by James Potter?" Draco looked flabbergasted  
  
"YOU WHAT?!" Draco screamed "ARE YOU EVER SEXUALLY SATISFIED?!"  
  
"No, not really. But you should know that son." Draco turned a violent shape of scarlet and he threw up all over the stage. "Oh now, now it wasn't that repulsive. You sure weren't complaining when I pounded you" Draco covered his face and walked off stage. Harry followed him. Draco was crying and Harry was holding him.  
  
"Oh, God..." Draco said "Why did he tell everyone, why?" Harry was holding him very protectively.  
  
"It's O.K. Draco...You didn't ask your father to rape you...shhhhh....it'll be alright..." Harry was saying.  
  
"And We'll be back!" Jerry yelled, and the camera cut to commercials 


	4. No More Jerry

Mike: Hush now, I wanna write this part, Silver isn't here and I don't want her to know so-  
  
Silver: I'm here now, sorry I'm late, Someone hit me over the head and stuffed me into the trunk of a car, then the car fell off a cliff and well, it doesn't matter now, at least I can write the story!  
  
Mike: DAMN YOU!  
  
Silver: You do the warning  
  
Mike: Guys on Guys, no likey, no looky, no looky, no review-y  
  
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Disclaimer: I don't own nothin' so don't sue me, 'cause one of my personalities is a lawyer and we'll counter sue your ass  
  
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"Welcome back!" Jerry yelled "My next guest is here to confront his lover, and lover's lovers and force him to make a decision, please welcome, Remus!" The audience burst into applause as Remus walked onto the stage and sat down.  
  
"Remus, why are you here?"  
  
"I'm here because my lover has been sleeping around, and I'm sick of it. If he doesn't stop it, Then...that's it."  
  
"That's it? You men, you'll leave him?" Remus looked down and wiped his eyes.  
  
"Yeah..." his voice started cracking "That's it"  
  
"Ok, let's bring out your lover's lover Severus Snape!"  
  
"WHAT?!" He roared as Snape walked out onto the stage, sporting his magenta robes with fuzzy purple trim. "YOU BITCH!" He ran at him, but luckily Todd was there to catch him. Some nameless guards helped Todd, and some other nameless guards held back Snape. Soon enough they calmed down.  
  
"I can't believe this" Remus said softly. "I didn't know you were one of his lovers"  
  
"You betta believe I am, whore! And he loves me! HE FUCKED ME UP GOOD, AND I'M GUNNA KEEP HIM!"  
  
"Like HELL YOU WILL!" Remus got up and took a swing, he nailed him on the tip of his hooked nose, which fell off. Snape snatched for it, but Remus got there first.  
  
"HA!" He screamed "I - GOT - YOUR - NOSE!" Snape threw his hand up to the spot where his nose once was.  
  
"My nose! My beautiful nose! Give it back!"  
  
"Give me back my man!"  
  
"ANYTHING! MY NOSE! MY NOSE! MY BITCH FOR MY NOOOOOOOOSE!" the audience began to boo. A woman in the audience raised her hand, and Jerry forked over the microphone.  
  
"You would give up your man for your nose? Damn, you're a dumbass bitch!" The audience promptly responded by applauding loudly. Snape flicked her off and continued the struggle for his nose.  
  
"Ok, let's bring out the cause of this mess, Sirius!" Jerry yelled. Sirius walked onto the stage and was greeted by Snape walking over to him and trying to throw his arms around him. Sirius ducked him and walked around back of the chairs. Remus pointed at Snape and screamed "HA!" as Sirius walked over to him. He tried to kiss him but Remus wanted no part in that.  
  
"You cheating son of a bitch, you actually expect me to just forgive you?" Sirius licked his lips,  
  
"I saw you fight for me just now, you can't deny that you still love me, and you want me back." He kissed his neck " I know you too well." Remus moaned.  
  
"Of course I still love you and I want you back, but I have to know if your going to stop cheating on me."  
  
"If it will keep you by my side, I would cut of my limbs" the audience made sounds of emotion and love. Remus gave in and kissed him. Snape was still on the stage, and nose less.  
  
"NO! I WANT MY NOSE!" Remus tossed it over to him with out looking, Snape dived for it and hit his head on a chair. He got it back and pulled a tube labeled: ANAL LUBE out of his robe "Oops, wrong one" He said, then stuffed it back into his robe and pulled out one that said: NOSE GLUE. He glued his nose back on and sat in a chair.  
  
"Sirius..." He called in a sing song voice. Remus and Sirius sat down in the purple chairs and pulled theirs close together.  
  
"Now then" Snape began "Sirius, I love you, you know I do. You told me that you loved me, I want to know, right now, do you love me, or him?" Snape made big puppy dog eyes. Sirius flinched, and began to twitch.  
  
"Don't make puppy eyes!" Sirius said to him "Remus, help!" Remus responded to his plea by sitting in his lap, wrapping his legs and his waist and kissing him deeply.  
  
"Remus..." Sirius breathed heavily, "I love Remus" Remus started to cry  
  
"I love you too, Sirius" He wiped a tear away "I love you too" Most members of the audience began to cry.  
  
"We'll, be back" Jerry said through tears. 


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